Life an everyday struggle but still you can find happiness even through the pain.

We have already reach the last month of this year and thinking of how things have changed through the last year, how time have passed or of all the things that happened, no more matters anymore.

 It is true that a lot happened and i have been through a lot. I have changed from being that little drama girl who used to believe in fairytales to a more mature young lady through all those experiences. Yes, i call it all experiences. Bad or good, they have made me who i am today.

 Many blame people, circumstances or time for things that made us cry and become weak. However, i will call it a choice. I still strongly believe that it is always what we really want that happened. Life is not easy, now i know. Sometimes, you give everything to that one person who you never want to lose and losing him is what happened. Other times, you lose that one friend who you always thought would stand by your side at your worst because that friend understood you more than anyone else. Then, there is always the time when u become paranoid because you do not want to lose that one person, because u can feel it when he is sick but still he does not tell u about it. All these things make us feel so bad about ourselves that we most of the time have no more hope of getting up and this is actually where everyone is always wrong.

When there is no more hope and where things are ending, is actually where there is a new beginning. Starting all over with the changes is nothing to be afraid of as afterall we are humans and falling down is a must to learn how to get up again. It is true getting a hand to help you get up from someone special is an awesome feeling but getting up alone brings a different feeling. At first, we will feel lonelier each day will get tougher and we will fall asleep with tears in the eyes. Then, will come the day when we will realise that those pain would never go neither will the things that we did or happened be erased. But our attitude towards everything can change. Instead of blaming our fate or people, we can learn to live to be better.

At first, i wanted to be back to whom i used to be and it took me time to realise that i won't ever be back to that girl. The truth may be bitter but it won't change. It does not mean either that i will keep doing the same things all over again. It means that i will be better. As i said earlier it's a choice. People are always going to judge and rank you. Instead of fearing, now i face it. I now give a damn about what people think of me, just like it was their choice to be in my life if they do not want to be anymore it their choice.

The year is ending and i am laughing more everyday. I never felt so alive before. Still, it does not mean that i have stopped crying but it means that i learnt how to smile through tears and how to appreciate the little things of life. Everything is a gift. Hardship made me lost people but it also made me found new ones. At times, it is good to open yourself to strangers and choose to trust them. It is also good to make the first step towards someone we do not know to make new friends. These risks can prove to be very meaningful later on. That stranger can become a loving friend that makes you laugh endlessly and everyone else is jealous of. That makes you forget your whole surrounding n just be happy being yourself for the moment. Life is short when we are enjoying it and having memorable times but it is also very long when you spend it waiting for that one person to decide to make you his priority because besides waiting we cannot do anything else.

Therefore, i choose to make life short and enjoy each single moment laughing a maximum. Hope and waiting can always be in the heart. It does not mean i give up, i won't ever specially on people i love even if they give up on themselves but it means i will live fully waiting. True love, well i am only 20 and i still have to get to know what it means really. But the moments you spend with your family, friends and doing little things for yourself. Reconstructing your own life by only finding yourself a little more each single day, doing simple things, which were once so difficult, alone, achieving to make someone you care so much smile by a little action, taking risks by feeling the fear and excitement at the same times and most importantly making your smile so contagious that everyone smile or feel happy just by seeing you, is the little things that makes life so beautiful. This is true happiness and finding it and keeping it is only and only our choice.

Smile even if your smile does not fit and make it a choice to be happy through pain and tears :)